The "Me Bag"

This week, Peyton was chosen to present her "Me Bag". Basically her teacher sends home a bag (like a reusable grocery bag) with a note asking the student to place things in the bag that help represent who they are as a person.  I'm sure you can imagine what most children want to put in the bag.  The moment we got the bag home on Tuesday, Peyton began filling it with crap.  Seriously, Josh and I just watched as she ran around her room like crazy finding random objects to stuff in.  One of the items that the list asks students to bring is a picture of his/her family.  I asked Peyton to draw a picture of our family - she drew herself, me, Josh, & Duke.  I almost choked on my dinner when I saw the picture because I was very confused.  See for yourself:

I gently asked her to explain what body parts she drew.  Apparently the circles on the edges of our bodies are our hips (I was thinking butt!) and the circle within the circle is our belly buttons.  I don't have a belly button in the picture because obviously I am wearing a dress.  Let me explain the picture.  Starting on the left, on top is Duke (who DOES have a belly button), I am on the bottom in yellow.  Apparently I was having a wild hair day.  Peyton is in the middle, drawn in black or brown, with fairly short hair.  She has hips, a belly button, hands, and feet/shoes.  I believe she is also wearing a dress, but there must be some sort of "belly button hole" in it.  Josh is on the right side in yellow.  He is much taller than me and Peyton, I'm not sure that he is wearing any clothes, and he has a smaller belly button than Duke and Peyton.  She asked how to spell Duke & Daddy and did the rest of the writing on her own.  Someday I'll teach her to write in a straight line.  Maybe.

Ok, so here are the contents of her Me Bag:  (after many discussions about what should/should not go...)
- Hand drawn picture of family
- Photograph of family
- Woo (her favorite pink & white puppy!)
- Baby Ava 
- Ariel (I hope her teacher doesn't hate me once Peyton makes Ariel "sing" a billion times)
- A random heart bracelet
- A Shutterfly book of her 4th year of life (3rd birthday to 4th birthday)
- Frozen Soundtrack CD
- Cinderella Book (the one Duke didn't chew on)
- Mini-Pillowpet - ladybug

We are also taking a bag of oranges & grapefruit for her to share with her class since he loves helping Josh garden.  I asked the assistant teacher yesterday if we were allowed to bring oranges and grapefruit and she said yes, but I'm not 100% sure they will be ok.  Her main teacher isn't usually at school when I drop P off, so I didn't have a chance to get the ok from her.  Hopefully I didn't waste time cleaning and cutting fruit for nothing!

Will hopefully update with a picture of P and her Me Bag tomorrow!

The Gunny Bunny

So I may or may not have accidentally caused Peyton to now be scared of the dark and sleeping.  

Let's back up... when my sister and I were little my parents told us about the Gunny Bunny.  I don't remember much about it, but my sister says that the Gunny Bunny would take our toys that we left out on the floor if we didn't clean them up.  Again, I'm not sure this actually happened, but my sister tends to have a good memory and I do remember something about a creepy bunny sneaking into our house.

So anyway, I have told the story to Peyton a few times and then helped her clean up her toys saying, "I'd hate for the Gunny Bunny to come tonight!".  On Sunday night, Peyton went to bed as usual.  She woke up around 3 and crawled into bed with us.  "I had a bad dream, Mommy! It was the Gunny Bunny" (cue instant guilt).  Then she was up at 4 because she had to go potty.  When she finally crawled back into bed she wanted me to face her while we slept.  I have a hard time sleeping on my left side, so I told her no, but that she could still cuddle up against me.  Then she asked, "well can we both think about going to the park and playing in the sand together?"  "Of course we can."  So we both went back to bed dreaming about playing at the park!
Monday night she asked, "so you are sleeping with me tonight, right?" umm... no.  I told her I would stay with her until she fell asleep and that I would leave her lamp on and her door open.  She crawled into bed with me around 2, but she hadn't had any bad dreams, thankfully.
I do feel bad that she had a bad dream, but I tried to tell her that I have bad dreams too sometimes and that we don't always have bad dreams.  She was so happy this morning when she woke up to report that she had "no dreams"!  
And before you try to judge me and my parenting skills, just back off!  Just because you wouldn't dare tell your child about the Gunny Bunny, it doesn't mean I am horrible for using it as a helpful cleaning tool. Quit judging.

Preschool

 Peyton has been in daycare practically her whole life. (yes, I know I am a horrible mother- don't worry I'm reminded of that often!) Anyway, she went to Hamilton's Lil' Express program from when she was an infant (10 weeks) until the end of the last school year.  She made some wonderful friends at Hamilton.  Another parent from Hamilton looked at other options for the important "before kindergarten" year.  She decided on a Reggio inspired preschool at one of the elementary schools in Chandler and I opted to move Peyton as well.  Peyton was SOOOO happy to remain in a class with her BEST friends Abby & Ella.  

Peyton doesn't particularly like school - it is hard work to be good all day, share toys, not yell and scream, etc etc however she has gained so much knowledge in just the past semester.  I am so happy we made the change.  The scheduling has been difficult because I can't drop her off until 7:30 and I have to pick her up by 4:30.  My school is only 2.5 miles from her school, but it is a struggle to not be the first one dropped off and the last one picked up.  The afternoons are especially difficult because my students are not released until 3:58pm.  I barely have time to pack up my purse and shut off my computer before I have to run out the door.  

Now, before you think that she hates school based on the first picture, I have to admit that the only reason she frowned was because I was taking  so many pictures. Poor thing!  And I will also admit that I was the one who cried on the first day when I dropped her off.  I was happy for her to be with her friends but I was sad to see her growing up so fast!  She had a rough start with a couple of bad days, and she has continued to have a few bad days here and there, but overall she has made a great transition.  Next year she will hopefully attend school with me. (I'm on a K-8 campus)  I can't wait!  Right now she thinks that would be the coolest thing (to go to school with mom), but I'm not sure how long that feeling will last once she is there! :)

California - Summer 2013

After a fairly rough spring we decided to head west to California.  We went last year and stayed in San Diego and hit Sea World.  This year we stayed with some family friends and hit up the San Diego Zoo.  We went to the beach many times, but the one time I wanted to get a little color on my skin was the day it was gray, overcast, and COLD.  Josh will say it wasn't cold.  But don't believe him. It was cold. Peyton was in a "I refuse to take nice pictures with Mommy" stage. I was not happy! Here are a few pictures from our trip.

Comforting Someone Who Lost a Pregnancy

These suggestions are things I have thought of since my loss- they won't apply to everyone.

1. Be there: I know it sounds silly, but just being there for someone is such a comfort.  My mom was there for me.  She played with Peyton, brought me comfy socks, and was just there.  She wasn't a huge talker- she didn't know what to say, and that was ok.  I knew that I could talk to her if I wanted.  I just didn't.  She didn't press it.  I was thankful for that. (although she may JUST be finding out that I was thankful!)

2. Don't be hurt if she doesn't want your help.  It's great to offer to cook a meal, take care of another child, etc, but don't be offended if the answer is no.  Many people don't know what they need or want during a loss... but your offer to help is noticed.  If you offer to take care of another child, don't be offended if the answer is no... I was extra attached to Peyton after my loss.  It gave me something to focus on. It gave me a purpose.  I couldn't stand someone taking that away from me - it was only going to leave me alone with my thoughts.

3. Try not to talk about everyone else's pregnancies.  "Oh did you hear so-and-so is pregnant?" "Oh, Kim Kardashian is pregnant!" "Oh the princess is pregnant!" Oh fabulous... that is not what I wanted to hear. Don't get me wrong- I was happy for others who were pregnant, especially my sister and sister-in-law, but it was hard.  It was so hard not to cry.  And trust me, I noticed every little baby bump out there.  I still do.  There is no need to remind me.  I get it, you can't avoid the news of other people's pregnancies, but understand that it is hard.  My sister and I experienced our first pregnancies together, and we thought we would experience our second together, too.  After my loss I found it hard to talk to my sister and I know she found it hard to talk to me.  She wanted to protect me.  When she was diagnosed with gestational diabetes she didn't tell me.  I totally get it.  I wish I could have been there for her more.  I tried to make sure to ask her questions about baby (gender unknown at the time). I felt awful for her.  I didn't want her to think I didn't care.  

4. Something that really annoyed me was when people would tell me how good I looked- I lost some weight after the loss and I did look better than I had in a long time.  I know this sounds stupid, but it was just another reminder... imagine why I lost the weight... depression.  Part of me wanted to appreciate the compliment and I would really try - but what I really wanted at that time was to be nice and fat with a baby!

5. "So, are you going to try again?" - a statement to avoid. Please.

6. If she is still going to the doctor for ultrasounds and bloodwork like I had to, offer to go with her.  Hold her hand. 

7. If she has to take the medication to induce the miscarriage, sit with her. Get the pain pills, a blanket, and a pillow.  Probably a towel to sit on too, just in case.  It is a messy ordeal. Not for those squeemish around blood.

8. Consider lighting a candle on October 15th. http://www.october15th.com/ 

9. Avoid phrases like "You are lucky it happened so early" or "better than having a stillborn baby".  While I agree with both of those statements, they bring no comfort.  I've found myself saying both of those things - but that doesn't mean I want someone else to say them to me.  I know that is a double-standards. I don't care.

Very few people could give me true comfort- and those that could were people who had already experienced a loss.  You'd be surprised at how many people around you have experienced loss and never said anything.  It was scary.  More over, it was SAD.  My best friend wanted so badly to comfort me, but she couldn't.  She could try to imagine what I was feeling, but she had no idea... until she lost her baby... it was only then that she truly understood.  I am thankful we went through our losses together.  I'm not saying I'm glad we lost babies- I'm saying I'm glad we had each other for support.  It's not that I didn't want or need everyone else's thoughts and comforting words - I appreciated everything (flowers, Starbucks, cards, etc), but I just kept thinking "you have no idea".  Is that awful?  Maybe.  Was that how I have dealt with this? Yep.  Don't like it?  That's ok.  

If you are trying to be there for someone who has experienced a loss, just be there.  A big hug, a handwritten note (my mother-in-law's card stating "you are experiencing something no mother should ever experience" was worded perfectly), a gift card to get food, a sweet treat... whatever... they will know you cared enough to try.  Try not to be offended when they just want to be alone or they don't want to talk about it.  I can't tell you the number of times I've cried in church.  It seems so dumb, but the words of a song will get to me, and I just can't hold back.  I feel ridiculous, but maybe that is my place of healing, and I usually sleep better than night knowing that I let some of my emotions out. 

Swimming Lessons

For the 2nd year in a row, Peyton took swimming lessons over the summer.  I was a little worried about the class I signed her up for (I can't remember the name... but last year she was a tadpole... maybe she was a shrimp this year?).  I wasn't sure of the difficulty level, plus, she hadn't been swimming since last summer.  Anyway, she did great.  I was super annoyed that her teacher for the first week went on vacation and she had to have a different teacher the second week.  Peyton struggled the first two days or so to get confident with the teacher and in the water, so switching teachers mid-way through the class caused Peyton to take a small step back. 

By the end of the two weeks Peyton was able to:
- go underwater by herself
- float on her back with little support
- swim underwater with support
- flip from belly float to back float with little support

Super proud of this fishie!